Doggy Dining Critic Gifts

'I think Lassie is trying to tell us something, Mom.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

Dog Dressed to Eat

'Ooo! The dog food sounds good! ... mind you, I always have that at home.'

'Who had the ocean whitefish and tua paté?'

"Great coffee, Carole."

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'Try the steak tartare...it's okay.'

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

"The catch of the day is halibut. The day it was caught was last Tuesday."

'Mutt is very insulting and definitely politically incorrect, but where do I find an animal rights attorney at this hour of the night?'

Dog orders the food 9 out of 10 dogs prefer.

Four Star Meal

"If you represent special interests, I can seat you immediately."

-'God that looks disgusting.' -'You're telling me.'

'Is there a money back guarantee if the burrito isn't as big as your head?'

'You are quite right, the soup is cold.'

'You're lucky you can't read.'

"I won't need a doggie bag."

'I was bringing your businessman's lunch, sir, but a Government bureaucrat confiscated it!'

'I don't care if top breeders do recommend it - I am not going to eat dog food!'

'I'm taking the leftovers home, so suggest something my dog will enjoy.'

"Now, who ordered the salad?"

"That tasted like s**t. We'll have another order of it."

'What wine goes with rubbery steak and cold vegetables?'

John envied his friends who worked at the local chocolate company

"Find another place to dump that crap. This stall is occupied."

'Your waiter will be happy to point out our organic dishes if sir is feeling particularly gullible.'

"The spaghetti is too al dente!"

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'It won't be long now, sir. The chef has already sent the chicken a death threat.'

"Too rare, perhaps?"