Candle Connoisseur Gifts

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

Cover Design for the Yellow Book, Vol 1

"I hope this dude has better breath than the last guy!"

'I see you've heard the news.'

"I'm so sick of that pumpkin spice candle."

Candle Moment

Automatic Candle-Extinguishing Bed

'I thought I'd cut out the middle men.'

'Been biting drunken bitches again, have we?'

Candle with Match for Wick

"Waiter, will this meal be much longer? That's the third time you've replaced my candle!"

Candle Powered Lightbulb

Man lighting ceiling candle

"Look! Isn't that your old flame from high school?"

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

Candle Portraits.

Hildegard von Bingen

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

Chocolate Shop

"It's our latest scent...Dryer Sheet."

Signs of Aging: Light headedness, shortening, waxy skin, burn out and hot flashes.

"Kid gloves, Hernandez. You gotta use kid gloves!"

The dark side of Halloween.

Bubble Gum Dispenser

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

Secret sweetie drawer...

Allergy Information: May contain traces of nuts, soya, child bones.

'No, that's not my shaving lotion. We've been burning cow chips in the wood stove.'

"If you dress in a costume that they can't figure out, they feel guilty and give you more candy."

'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake!'

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

"A horse by any other mane would small as sweat."

Cigars for the Upcoming Bear Market