Candle Connoisseur Pillows

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

Cover Design for the Yellow Book, Vol 1

"I hope this dude has better breath than the last guy!"

'I see you've heard the news.'

"I'm so sick of that pumpkin spice candle."

Candle Moment

Automatic Candle-Extinguishing Bed

'I thought I'd cut out the middle men.'

'Been biting drunken bitches again, have we?'

Candle with Match for Wick

"Waiter, will this meal be much longer? That's the third time you've replaced my candle!"

Candle Powered Lightbulb

Man lighting ceiling candle

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

Hildegard von Bingen

Candle Portraits.

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

Chocolate Shop

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

"It's our latest scent...Dryer Sheet."

"Kid gloves, Hernandez. You gotta use kid gloves!"

The dark side of Halloween.

Secret sweetie drawer...

'No, that's not my shaving lotion. We've been burning cow chips in the wood stove.'

"A horse by any other mane would small as sweat."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

Allergy Information: May contain traces of nuts, soya, child bones.

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

"If you dress in a costume that they can't figure out, they feel guilty and give you more candy."

'It works all the time: Light a candle and dinner comes to you...'

Bubble Gum Dispenser

'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake!'

Cigars for the Upcoming Bear Market

'Lucky for us, there's a sucker born every minute.'