Campfire Critics Gifts

"I'm sorry, Frank. I know it's more environmentally friendly but your new campfire program really doesn't provide the right atmopshere."

Take seat. Nothing makes me happier than keeping people warm and cooking s'mores for them. Friendly fire.

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

Desert Island BBQ

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

Harsh Mellows.

"There it was again...SOOIE! And then she realized the pig call was coming from inside the house!"

'Wow, Jimmy, that's pretty good!'

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

Roasting the Moneybox

'The Torch Holder'.

A marshmallow? Oh, no, thank you, I'm good.

'Aren't these marshmallows just going to make us plumper for when the bears ultimately eat us?'

'Marshmallows ready! Now for the roasting...'

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

Professor Algarth Zag, pioneer in fire research.

'Rubbing sticks together was a great idea. After 40 minutes, I'm so warm I don't need a fire!'

'It's called fire...it recycles wood.'

"Let’s not speak of this, Tommy – scouts’ honor?"

Flash Cuisine

'Heidegger-Hi!'

Have food. Need toilet paper

"He must be a pro. He's got his own stick."

Nobody likes a smore loser

Creepy Camp Stories.

"I wonder if this will count for wood carving badge?"

"You were right, Louis. . . I was cold before, but now it's warm and toasty."

Shepherds washed their socks by night.

"Let me take you back to a dark time when all you could do with a phone was make phone calls."

"and when they woke up, the kids discovered that the house had just one 19", black & white TV that only got... 3 channels."

'Is the fire included?'

'This will teach them to clean up after themselves after they camp in our woods!'

Boy makes a finger shadow on the tent.

"At first I was homesick....now I'll probably be campsick for awhile!"

My Musical Influences