Campfire Critics T-Shirts

"I'm sorry, Frank. I know it's more environmentally friendly but your new campfire program really doesn't provide the right atmopshere."

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

Desert Island BBQ

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'Wow, Jimmy, that's pretty good!'

"There it was again...SOOIE! And then she realized the pig call was coming from inside the house!"

Harsh Mellows.

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

'The Torch Holder'.

Roasting the Moneybox

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

'Marshmallows ready! Now for the roasting...'

'Aren't these marshmallows just going to make us plumper for when the bears ultimately eat us?'

Professor Algarth Zag, pioneer in fire research.

'Rubbing sticks together was a great idea. After 40 minutes, I'm so warm I don't need a fire!'

"Let’s not speak of this, Tommy – scouts’ honor?"

'It's called fire...it recycles wood.'

Flash Cuisine

'Heidegger-Hi!'

"I wonder if this will count for wood carving badge?"

"Let me take you back to a dark time when all you could do with a phone was make phone calls."

"He must be a pro. He's got his own stick."

"You were right, Louis. . . I was cold before, but now it's warm and toasty."

Have food. Need toilet paper

"and when they woke up, the kids discovered that the house had just one 19", black & white TV that only got... 3 channels."

Creepy Camp Stories.

Nobody likes a smore loser

'Is the fire included?'

Boy makes a finger shadow on the tent.

'This will teach them to clean up after themselves after they camp in our woods!'

"First camping trip, Billy?"

My Musical Influences

"At first I was homesick....now I'll probably be campsick for awhile!"