Campfire Comedy Fan Gifts

'It went out again. Talk about unfriendly fire!'

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'Wow, Jimmy, that's pretty good!'

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

'The Torch Holder'.

Roasting the Moneybox

'Aren't these marshmallows just going to make us plumper for when the bears ultimately eat us?'

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

A Cow Striptease

Professor Algarth Zag, pioneer in fire research.

'Rubbing sticks together was a great idea. After 40 minutes, I'm so warm I don't need a fire!'

"Let’s not speak of this, Tommy – scouts’ honor?"

'It's called fire...it recycles wood.'

Flash Cuisine

Creepy Camp Stories.

"You were right, Louis. . . I was cold before, but now it's warm and toasty."

'An no one heard him scream when they screwed on the pump and slowly drained all his vital fluids...'

Have food. Need toilet paper

"and when they woke up, the kids discovered that the house had just one 19", black & white TV that only got... 3 channels."

'Is the fire included?'

Boy makes a finger shadow on the tent.

'This will teach them to clean up after themselves after they camp in our woods!'

My Musical Influences

'Uh, Jake, I believe that should be 'and the skies are not cloudy all day,' not 'and we pour ourselves more Chardonnary.''

Man around campfire Title: 'Ed is a fisherman who never lies. He tells all his stories sitting up.'

Marshmallow Roast

'For the life of me I can't see how cooking over a fire, bathing under a spigot and sleeping on the ground can be fun!'

"First camping trip, Billy?"

Accountants around the campfire.

"If our heating bill goes up because of this, I'm blaming you."

'Sunning ourselves works alright, but nothing beats a good fire to really warm you up...'