Campfire Comedy Fan Gifts

'It went out again. Talk about unfriendly fire!'

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

Take seat. Nothing makes me happier than keeping people warm and cooking s'mores for them. Friendly fire.

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'Wow, Jimmy, that's pretty good!'

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

Roasting the Moneybox

'The Torch Holder'.

A marshmallow? Oh, no, thank you, I'm good.

This "fire" invention is taking more wood than we expected. The First Cost Overrun.

'Aren't these marshmallows just going to make us plumper for when the bears ultimately eat us?'

A Cow Striptease

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

Professor Algarth Zag, pioneer in fire research.

'Rubbing sticks together was a great idea. After 40 minutes, I'm so warm I don't need a fire!'

'It's called fire...it recycles wood.'

"Let’s not speak of this, Tommy – scouts’ honor?"

Flash Cuisine

Creepy Camp Stories.

"and when they woke up, the kids discovered that the house had just one 19", black & white TV that only got... 3 channels."

Have food. Need toilet paper

"You were right, Louis. . . I was cold before, but now it's warm and toasty."

'An no one heard him scream when they screwed on the pump and slowly drained all his vital fluids...'

Shepherds washed their socks by night.

'Is the fire included?'

Boy makes a finger shadow on the tent.

'This will teach them to clean up after themselves after they camp in our woods!'

"First camping trip, Billy?"

Marshmallow Roast

'Uh, Jake, I believe that should be 'and the skies are not cloudy all day,' not 'and we pour ourselves more Chardonnary.''

'For the life of me I can't see how cooking over a fire, bathing under a spigot and sleeping on the ground can be fun!'

Man around campfire Title: 'Ed is a fisherman who never lies. He tells all his stories sitting up.'

My Musical Influences

'Aaaah... nuthin' like sitting out here in nature with a good campfire and a couple of ice-cold Bloodweisers.'

"If our heating bill goes up because of this, I'm blaming you."