Calorie Burning Gifts

'Yes, maybe my high metabolism DOES keep me slim.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

All Natural Nothing

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

Secretive Weigh In.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"Only three more miles and tonight we're good for tiramisu!"

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

7 brownies worth of exercise.

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'Diet considerations.'

Dieting Motivation.

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Sisyphus Sawyer

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

I've been told I can order a small mocha. Told? Because of my heart rate and activity level over the past seven days, I've been allotted a daily limit of 1,426 calories. I'm told that's just enough to include one small mocha. Hold on … there's vibrating ... Hold on ... hold on ... buffering ... Bing! Fitness overlords says I'm one calorie away from a medium mocha. It says yelling burns one calorie. I've got to get that app.

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'