Calories Gifts

Sisyphus Sawyer

I've been told I can order a small mocha. Told? Because of my heart rate and activity level over the past seven days, I've been allotted a daily limit of 1,426 calories. I'm told that's just enough to include one small mocha. Hold on … there's vibrating ... Hold on ... hold on ... buffering ... Bing! Fitness overlords says I'm one calorie away from a medium mocha. It says yelling burns one calorie. I've got to get that app.

'I usually discourage high-fat foods, Mr. Hall, but in your case, a Good Humor bar is in order.'

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Joey discovers the difference between coffee beans and jelly beans.

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Randall couldn't wait to see what else the 'Magic Trash Can' could make disappear.

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

"Meet The Author"

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

Edgar Allen Poe

"Meet the author"

Ban on Free Speech

"And, when the DNA test results arrived, the woman realized her so-called 'little terrier mix' had been part German shepherd all along."

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

Thomas Mann.

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

Victor Hugo

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."