Calory Counting Gifts

'Frozen dinners have more calories if you heat them up.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"Only three more miles and tonight we're good for tiramisu!"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

All Natural Nothing

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

Secretive Weigh In.

Scientist counting microscopic things he can see in his microscope

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

'Diet considerations.'

Dieting Motivation.

Sisyphus Sawyer

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

"I'm doing all I can to make the little things count."

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'

Dinosaurs ponder fad dieting prior to extinction.

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'