Calorie Tracker Gifts

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"It's party glandular and partly 8,500 calories a day."

I burned 3200 more calories yesterday than I consumed!!! You went for a long run? No. Oh. Well you must've followed my usual regimen: cross-fit, a few hours of weights … followed by several hours of evading jealous boyfriends. I forgot to enter the calories I consumed into my fitness app. You'd be surprised how many calories you burn evading buckshot.

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Secretive Weigh In.

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

All Natural Nothing

"Only three more miles and tonight we're good for tiramisu!"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

7 brownies worth of exercise.

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

'Diet considerations.'

Dieting Motivation.

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Sisyphus Sawyer

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'

Dinosaurs ponder fad dieting prior to extinction.

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'