Calorie Counter With A Twist Gifts

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"Only three more miles and tonight we're good for tiramisu!"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

All Natural Nothing

Secretive Weigh In.

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

7 brownies worth of exercise.

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'Diet considerations.'

Dieting Motivation.

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do not count against your diet.

Sisyphus Sawyer

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

Dinosaurs ponder fad dieting prior to extinction.

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.