Calorie Tracking Gifts

All Natural Nothing

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

Secretive Weigh In.

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"Only three more miles and tonight we're good for tiramisu!"

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

7 brownies worth of exercise.

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

"I just reached 1000 jumps."

'Diet considerations.'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

Dieting Motivation.

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Sisyphus Sawyer

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

I've been told I can order a small mocha. Told? Because of my heart rate and activity level over the past seven days, I've been allotted a daily limit of 1,426 calories. I'm told that's just enough to include one small mocha. Hold on … there's vibrating ... Hold on ... hold on ... buffering ... Bing! Fitness overlords says I'm one calorie away from a medium mocha. It says yelling burns one calorie. I've got to get that app.

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'

Dinosaurs ponder fad dieting prior to extinction.

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."