Calorie Hunter Gifts

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Gruber, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

'Okay, ladies! We're not just going to burn those calories, we're going to drown them!'

A Sticky Buns Bakery is positioned next to a gym.

'Uh-oh.'

Hot dog.

Woman in Restaurant has Menu and Calorie Counter.

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

"Sealed for your diets protection."

'Surely there's some other good source of protein out there!'

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do count against your diet.

'We must be nearing land. It's a discount coupon from the island's mall.'

Halloween. Trick or Treat trophy.

"My scale certainly has no problem finding those hidden calories."

'I've done it! I've found the most basic particle!'

'Enough with the eye of newt. Do you know how many calories there are in newt eyes?'

'Just as I suspected - cheating on our diet!'

Advent fridge

"Ever wonder if these are loaded with antioxidants?"

"...And a 'Death by Chocolate' for Madame..."

"Just bring me something that'll put hairs on my chest."

"Our computers are down, so I can't look it up. If I had to guess, I would say, yes, that is fattening."

'This diet is killing me! -- Last night I dreamed that I ate Willy Wonka!'

"The figure to the right is the number of crunches you'll need to do to work off the gut that meal will give you."

"Do you have such a thing as low calorie caramel coffee creams?"

In the calorie family: 'You're home early?'....'Mrs. Harrison has started dieting again!'

I still think the anti-personnel mines are a bit over the top.

'I'm putting you on the 'Don't eat so damn much' diet.'

"We are starting our diet tomorrow, so we need to eat this lot today."

On Thursday, I ingested 6,200 calories. On Friday, I spent $1,800 at the mall. Binge and splurge.

"You have to try this crazy diet. Just hunting down the exotic ingredients gives you loads of exercise!"

"I ate all the wrong things today."

'This new ‘Exotic Foods' diet really works. I've lost 5 pounds running around looking for the ingredients!'

'No, Madam. I'm afraid we have nothing 'exquisitely delicious' under 350 calories.'

"Heck, 'an orange', the only thing I haven't got."