Calorie Burner Gifts

"I haven't burned this many calories since I forgot the brownies in the oven."

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

A Sticky Buns Bakery is positioned next to a gym.

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"Gosh! Look what he's done to his Harry Potter books..."

"And what would you like to regret later?"

Win-win. Whenever I hear that from you, I want to hide under the counter. New research shows the only proven way to prolong life is caloric restriction. Eat less, live longer. Introducing our new breakfast meal plan: The Fountain of Youth. You get half a muffin and half a glass of water. Sounds meager. Exactly. That's why we're charging $16. But a full muffin only costs $4. And it won't prolong your life. Can you even put a price on immortality? How much should we charge for an empty plate of ai

Hot dog.

'Decision time. Which bridge to cross and which to burn.'

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

"Nicole, Kyle, would you guys burn my yearbook?"

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

Nitrogen Emissions

Don't tell me not to burn the candle at both ends --- Tell me where to get more wax! (Published previously on July 22, 2010).

'Fred insists on giving something up for Lent!'

'What you need is some negative growth.'

'Yes, maybe my high metabolism DOES keep me slim.'

"Sorry about the grime, Doc. I had to burn some bridges on my way here to keep the crazies from following me."

"I love bonfires. Thanks to all the junk mail I get, I have one everyday."

"They're little notes he keeps leaving me on how to best utilise my housekeeping time."

Woman walking through a bakery with blinkers on.

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Gruber, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

In the calorie family: 'You're home early?'....'Mrs. Harrison has started dieting again!'

'I don't mind pigging out as long as it's not on empty calories.'

"We are starting our diet tomorrow, so we need to eat this lot today."

On Thursday, I ingested 6,200 calories. On Friday, I spent $1,800 at the mall. Binge and splurge.

'I want my old job back. I know it won't be easy. Before I left I burned a lot of bridges.'

'No, Madam. I'm afraid we have nothing 'exquisitely delicious' under 350 calories.'

Model CO2

I decided to put the scale someplace where it would do some good!