Cable Tv Viewer Gifts

"I am not just a 'Hater.' I happen to be very discriminating in my prejudices."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"We just watched a hypermovie!"

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

Tree house.

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

'Och lye the news'

'Can't you at least wait until half time?!'

"I know he's funny, boy, but he’s also the president of the United States."

Binge Watch

Classic News.

"Would you mind adjusting the vibrate on your phone? There's a seismologist on TV claiming there's been an earthquake in our neighborhood."

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

Incorrect weather forecasts.

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

"It's a long-term strategy to make them lazy and complacent first."

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

"Then we agree. 10 minutes of your news, then 10 minutes of mine."

It's a Dog's life

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"

"So much for finding intelligent life on this planet."

'The opinions expressed by Burt are not necessarily those of Ernie.'

'...According to the survey, Canadians prefer the doggie style positions, so the can both keep watching the Hockey game...'

"Today, in all aspects of life losses outnumbered gains."

'According to the latest reports, there were no earlier reports.'