Television Viewer Gifts

'Cereal's not all that expensive -- why is everybody always trying to steal it?'

"Sooner or later you just knew it had to come to this. . ."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"We just watched a hypermovie!"

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

Tree house.

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

Fishermen

"Bill did the voice-over for this commercial."

Somewhere in America... the day after "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" came to an end.

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

"Maybe you set it up wrong."

'Och lye the news'

"I know he's funny, boy, but he’s also the president of the United States."

Binge Watch

'It's 10:00. Do you know where your kids are?'

'Fixed the leg on the telly yet?'

'The program is stupid, primitive, embarrassing, and boring. I want to buy a new telly.'

'Just look at him. The face that lunched on a thousand chips.'

"The couch hates me Jane!"

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

"Forget the harps, we can spend Eternity in there."