Tv Viewer Gifts

'That's not the news, I left my video game on,'

"Hey, no problem. Just touching base to say 'Hi. How goes it?' and to tell you that we really care about you. And now back to our show."

Youth Unemployment - 'There's an apprenticeship opportunity on TV tonight.'

'He's opposed to all forms of silence.'

"I know he's funny, boy, but he’s also the president of the United States."

"The truth is I owe my good memory to ginkgo biloba."

'It's only a test.'

'...According to the survey, Canadians prefer the doggie style positions, so the can both keep watching the Hockey game...'

Wow. We are definitely no longer in the target demographic.

'Bush said Iraq is NOT in a civil war because there have been no sightings of 'Union' or 'Confederate' army flags.'

"The news lady says this bad guy was charged with assault...but he didn't have rifle. How's that possible?!"

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

Tree house.

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

Fishermen

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

"Maybe you set it up wrong."

'Och lye the news'

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

'Fixed the leg on the telly yet?'

'The program is stupid, primitive, embarrassing, and boring. I want to buy a new telly.'

'It's 10:00. Do you know where your kids are?'

Binge Watch

'Just look at him. The face that lunched on a thousand chips.'

"He's an indoor cat."

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.