Tv Viewer Gifts

'That's not the news, I left my video game on,'

"Hey, no problem. Just touching base to say 'Hi. How goes it?' and to tell you that we really care about you. And now back to our show."

Youth Unemployment - 'There's an apprenticeship opportunity on TV tonight.'

'He's opposed to all forms of silence.'

"I know he's funny, boy, but he’s also the president of the United States."

"The truth is I owe my good memory to ginkgo biloba."

'It's only a test.'

'...According to the survey, Canadians prefer the doggie style positions, so the can both keep watching the Hockey game...'

Wow. We are definitely no longer in the target demographic.

'Bush said Iraq is NOT in a civil war because there have been no sightings of 'Union' or 'Confederate' army flags.'

"The news lady says this bad guy was charged with assault...but he didn't have rifle. How's that possible?!"

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"We just watched a hypermovie!"

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

Tree house.

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

Fishermen

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

"Maybe you set it up wrong."

'Och lye the news'

Binge Watch

'Fixed the leg on the telly yet?'

'Just look at him. The face that lunched on a thousand chips.'

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

'It's 10:00. Do you know where your kids are?'