Telly Viewer Gifts

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

Tree house.

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

TV-Man

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

Fishermen

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

Make your resolutions achievable.

"Maybe you set it up wrong."

'Och lye the news'

Solar Panel

Binge Watch

"I know he's funny, boy, but he’s also the president of the United States."

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

'The program is stupid, primitive, embarrassing, and boring. I want to buy a new telly.'

'Fixed the leg on the telly yet?'

"Let's finish off our night of being productive by starting another season."

A Clown pretends to put his head in the mouth of a TV lion.

'It's 10:00. Do you know where your kids are?'

'Just look at him. The face that lunched on a thousand chips.'

"He's an indoor cat."

Couch and Potato

"Would you mind adjusting the vibrate on your phone? There's a seismologist on TV claiming there's been an earthquake in our neighborhood."