Television Viewing Gifts

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

"Yeah, it's just like being there!"

Tortoise Football Fan

'This is so unreal, it must be reality television.'

"Just once I'd like to be cast in a serious puppet role, something like pinocchio..."

"If the Ref doesn't give that, it's the end of football!"

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

God Bless Our Reverse Mortgage.

"Instead of hibernating, he entertained himself this winter in his man cave."

'In a surprise announcement, North Dakota today declared South Dakota a 'rogue state'...'

'It's a 24 hour telethon to raise awareness for conserving electricity.'

'He puts on a big tough-guy front, but he cried and cried during the 'Sopranos' finale.'

'Be a dear and nip to the chippy will you, love?'

'Typical! -- all they care about is humanitarian disasters!'

TV Time

"Oh no! Don't tell me... Football season started today, right?"

Trial by Media

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Showbiz Awards

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"They grow up so fast."

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Television Readers.