Watching Television Gifts

Somewhere in America... the day after "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" came to an end.

"I don't care what they did on ER. You don't need an emergency triple bypass. You need an aspirin."

'Studies show people are more likely to disagree with something than agree with it.'( 'That's not true.')

'Honey, this personal injury lawyer says that if we act now, he'll also throw in a free slicer and dicer in its own carrying case.'

24 ? The Next Series. Jack says: 'Think I'll throw a sickie today.'

Reality show pitch

'To balance our commentary, we now present the view of an 'uninformed source'.'

Dehydrated women calling for her soap operas

"Do you have any get well cards for characters on soap operas?"

"Bah! in my day bands knew how to play their computers properly. Like Kraftwerk"

" I love this reading group."

THE GOLDMANS HIRE A MEDIA CONSULTANT.

"Tonight there is no news and recent surveys indicate that that my be good news."

'Side effects may include....'

'When I want to watch a realistic comedy about a working mom, I'll look in the mirror.'

"Forget the reality in our reality shows. We need better scripts."

"Oh heck, it’s going to be a long night, someone’s pressed the golden buzzer."

The Sullen 40-To-54-Year-Old Demographic

"When we retire, I want to watch travel videos."

"The post-season coverage ended yesterday. This is the pre-season coverage."

"You call that nudity, strong language, and scenes of a sexual nature?"

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

"It's a Ken Burns documentary about Ken Burns documentaries."

"Five thousand hours, and his vital signs are still strong."

CHANNEL THIRTEEN TAKES ON THE NETWORKS

"Bill did the voice-over for this commercial."

"At the top of our news this evening, once again there were no clear winners on the Phil Donahue show today."

A comic strip shows a man watching TV when a hat blows in through an open window and lands on his head. When a woman enters the room the man stands up and tips his hat to her before they both sit down and watch TV.

"He always times '60 minutes.'"

A man watches TV while wearing a Marshall McLuhan sweatshirt.

And that's why I'm still single!

"Ladies and gentlemen, is there a doctor in the house?!" "Over here!! I watch a TV show called 'House'—the main character is a doctor and his name is 'House'! Is this helpful?!"

"And on my left is 'The Great Fantino,' who takes the position that the deficit will disappear by magic."

"Would you get me another beer? I have the express written consent of major league baseball."

"I wish you wouldn't read so intently during my favourite show."