Television Watching Gifts

'Please turn it down - Daddy is trying to do your homework.'

'Maybe if you showed some sign of life once in a while this sort of thing wouldn't happen.'

What makes you think I need my eyesight tested?

poverty-stricken family watching T.V. "God bless the Royal Family...what would we do without them?"

Watching TV through window - "You should have measured the doorway first."

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

'Quick! Kids! There's a positive male role model on the television...'

Inactivity Centre

'Welcome to Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda, the investment hindsight show.'

'True, but it's very accurate!'

The Secretary of the Interior noted that American children spend a daily average of only four minutes outside.

Two uses for ten minutes in America.

'Puffy, red, tired eyes? Heavy eyelids? Getting heavier? Heavier. Completely relaxed now. On the count of 10, you will awaken fresh, invigorated and ready to support our following sponsors…'

"I'm not sure if this is a pantomime or one of those political debates. . ."

Conversation Pits

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"Is this a slow motion replay, or the horse you've bet on?"

"It's hard to believe he used to be a prop forward for England. Now he just props backwards."

Power fart!

'And the gold medal for the best 'victory dance' has been awarded to...'

Dad on the History Channel.

Weather Forecast.

'It's pole and lap tonight!..'

"Did you see that documentary about set meters" "Well the TV was on but I wasn't really watching it"

"I make sure he gets his exercise by hiding the remote."

'Inactive wear'

'Of course I watch television-doesn't everyone?'

'Do you mind if we switch to the Discovery Channel? There's a wonderful show on migratory habits of gray seals.'

'We made it! We're on the most wanted list!'

'I know it's a boring show... but the remote is broken.'

'You may not believe it now, but when your father was young, he was a mobile device.'

"Of course you've never had a car accident, we never go anywhere."

'Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family....in another state....'

Every falls asleep.

"This should knock up the viewing figures!"