Television Watching Gifts

'Please turn it down - Daddy is trying to do your homework.'

What makes you think I need my eyesight tested?

Watching TV through window - "You should have measured the doorway first."

poverty-stricken family watching T.V. "God bless the Royal Family...what would we do without them?"

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

'Quick! Kids! There's a positive male role model on the television...'

Inactivity Centre

'Welcome to Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda, the investment hindsight show.'

Conversation Pits

The Secretary of the Interior noted that American children spend a daily average of only four minutes outside.

'Puffy, red, tired eyes? Heavy eyelids? Getting heavier? Heavier. Completely relaxed now. On the count of 10, you will awaken fresh, invigorated and ready to support our following sponsors…'

Two uses for ten minutes in America.

"I'm not sure if this is a pantomime or one of those political debates. . ."

'True, but it's very accurate!'

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"Is this a slow motion replay, or the horse you've bet on?"

Power fart!

"It's hard to believe he used to be a prop forward for England. Now he just props backwards."

"This should knock up the viewing figures!"

"I'm thinking of donating him to charity."

"You know how some people feel naked without jewelry? Stewart is like that without a remote."

'I don't like vegetables, so when I grow up, can I be a couch donut?'

Weather Forecast.

'And the gold medal for the best 'victory dance' has been awarded to...'

'Inactive wear'

"Did you see that documentary about set meters" "Well the TV was on but I wasn't really watching it"

"I make sure he gets his exercise by hiding the remote."

'I caught him watching tv, surfing the net, and playing video games ..book him!'

'We made it! We're on the most wanted list!'

"Of course you've never had a car accident, we never go anywhere."

"When people talk about a 'staycation' this isn't what they mean!"

"This reality program about teachers is terrible! Most of the show they complain about their feet!"

'Do you mind if we switch to the Discovery Channel? There's a wonderful show on migratory habits of gray seals.'

Every falls asleep.

'I know it's a boring show... but the remote is broken.'