Cable Tv Gifts

'Cable rates are only $29.95 a month, but installation will be eight hundred thousand dollars.'

'Any chance you could block out the home shopping network.'

'This is great! -- since he got cable, he hasn't had time to oppress anybody!'

Satelite television

'I didn't know there was such a thing as the 'Man's Inhumanity to Man' channel...'

'This is great! -- since he got cable, he hasn't had time to oppress anybody!'

'...You haven't paid your cable bill'

'She discovered Gordon Ramsay.'

"Okay, I want rubbish, you want garbage, so let's settle for trash."

Man with TV listings - It's not easy keeping track of my social life."

The scourge of the 'burbs, cable pirates board another innocent hom in their unceasing search for that one extra channel, the occasional first-run movie, or the highly-prized pay-per-view sports events..

"Every day, it's the same old 213 channels."

"I'm totally cool with cutting household expenses...but maybe we can cut off the water! Or...or disconnect the phones! Or skip food for a few days! But please...it's my reason for living! Don't cancel the cable!"

Trial by Media

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Showbiz Awards

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Bowled over again!

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

Television Readers.

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Horror movies

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."