Cable Gifts

"Why would I need 185,000 TV channels??"

The city of San Francisco switches from cable cars to satellite dish at a cost of only $79.99 a month for the first six months.

Man Plugged Into His Stereo.

Birds on a wire, "Bernie?...Oh he's gone cable!"

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"It's a long-term strategy to make them lazy and complacent first."

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

'What did your grandmother and I do before we had 600 channels? Go ask your 12 aunts and uncles.'

"Cable, my foot! Still snow on the TV!"

"When did they add this channel?!"

"As a voter, I don't follow any party line, I follow a cable channel."

'I hear they're going to cable.'

The scourge of the 'burbs, cable pirates board another innocent hom in their unceasing search for that one extra channel, the occasional first-run movie, or the highly-prized pay-per-view sports events..

"Okay, I want rubbish, you want garbage, so let's settle for trash."

Minutes since the TV broke.

Customer to TV repair man - "Thank god you got here. I was beginning to wander around."

"I never realized how many wires and cords we used. And that's just from my office."

"But if we let you pick and choose your own stations, that could hurt a lot of feelings."

'Unfortunately, I ran out of the satellite dish system but this has the same warranty.'

'How is the networking going?'

'You called about digital cable?'

'Since our cable company raised rates for the second time in a year, we're gonna switch to satellite.'

Socaial Life of the Cable Installer Guy.

'Cable rates are only $29.95 a month, but installation will be eight hundred thousand dollars.'

"Every day, it's the same old 213 channels."

'I didn't know there was such a thing as the 'Man's Inhumanity to Man' channel...'

"A cable technician will be out between the hours of 8:00 AM and 4:00 PM, in the year of 2025. Please push one to confirm the appointment.

Satelite television

Man with TV listings - It's not easy keeping track of my social life."

'I told you not to touch the hot line!'

"I would've called and cancelled, but you know how I hate disappointing cable companies."