Cable Guy Gifts

'I see that you make friends easily.'

'Help! I'm wired and I can't get up!'

The city of San Francisco switches from cable cars to satellite dish at a cost of only $79.99 a month for the first six months.

"Hey, wait a minute! Isn't that our TV cable?"

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"It's a long-term strategy to make them lazy and complacent first."

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

Nearly a third of the earth's life-forms have gone extinct. Cut! Stop with all the facts. This is debate club! But we're using a cable tv talk show format! What should I say? Unsupported opinions

Lawn mower - must get longer cable

'What did your grandmother and I do before we had 600 channels? Go ask your 12 aunts and uncles.'

"Cable, my foot! Still snow on the TV!"

"As a voter, I don't follow any party line, I follow a cable channel."

"Cable company. . . ? I want to know why my television picture is totally upside down all the time!!"

F&E Cable Co. Sports. Movies. Special. 500 Channels. When you list the options in the cable package, call it "BBC America," not "The English Channel."

The scourge of the 'burbs, cable pirates board another innocent hom in their unceasing search for that one extra channel, the occasional first-run movie, or the highly-prized pay-per-view sports events..

Minutes since the TV broke.

The plumber asks out the cable lady.

Customer to TV repair man - "Thank god you got here. I was beginning to wander around."

The Ekert Saga: 'Whoa...you really like cable news, eh, Ekert?'

'Unfortunately, I ran out of the satellite dish system but this has the same warranty.'

"The President said he hoped the bill would receive broad bipartisan support from within the Democratic Party."

"The doctor says you can go home. We'll get cable."

'I don't know but I think I liked last season's TV violence better than this season's.'

'You called about digital cable?'

'It's been cut all right. Question anyone in the family who likes to read.'

'Since our cable company raised rates for the second time in a year, we're gonna switch to satellite.'

"This medication may interact with paying your rent and being able to afford cable."

'Cable rates are only $29.95 a month, but installation will be eight hundred thousand dollars.'

'You're paying to watch gratuitous violence?'

'You read? What kind of entertainment is that?'

'Hello, and welcome to Acme Cable. If you're calling about a billing issue, big whoop. Get over it and pay the bill. If your cable is out, who cares. When it's fixed, you'll know it. If you're...'

The All NEW Violence Channel!

"A cable technician will be out between the hours of 8:00 AM and 4:00 PM, in the year of 2025. Please push one to confirm the appointment.

"I would've called and cancelled, but you know how I hate disappointing cable companies."