Cable Critics Gifts

"Hey, wait a minute! Isn't that our TV cable?"

'It's been cut all right. Question anyone in the family who likes to read.'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

The new Physics

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

'I said, how do you like my new communication tool?'

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

Constructive Criticism 50c.

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

"You'll never believe who's here."

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

Seamus Heaney

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,

Charlie Beck Loves Austin Beutner