Cable Tv Critic Gifts

'You're paying to watch gratuitous violence?'

'He says some time between 7 A.M. and infinity.'

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Can't Touch This

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"I like it but does it get only the one channel?"

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Hey, wait a minute! Isn't that our TV cable?"

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

"You don't have to answer that."

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

'I'm a has-been celebrity - get me in there!'

'Here's veteran pundit Edwin Shrock to sound off og whether any other pundits actually know what they're talking about...'

Silly News.