Tv Critic Gifts

Difference of Opinion

The Freudian Slip Shop.

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

'Even I didn't realize it was a disease.'

'Frankly, I'd expected rather more from interactive television.'

"TV violence made him do it. Says he'll name shows if we drop the charges."

Print media strikes back.

'I decided to come in today, Sir - There's nothing good on the T.V..'

TV - Please stand buy. We've run out of ideas.

Cable / Satellite / Digital TV "Still nothing on TV."

Though hesitant at first, Hank orders the 'Watching Paint Dry Network' offered exclusively through his satellite provider.

'It's a new reality show about a reality show producer...'

'Of course they argue about petty things and make stupid decisions. That's why I say Congress should be a TV reality show.'

Reality show pitch

'Notice they never speak in tongues when they're asking for money.'

'My marriage started out as a sitcom, developed into a soap opera, and then was cancelled.'

"I love these confessional shows"

"I hate these 'fly-on-the-wall' type documentaries...they're nothing like real life...!"

Hypnotist - "You are going into a deeeep sleeep"

Truly Educational Children's Programming

"A poll of New York City voters indicates that the topic they're most concerned with is the British monarchy."

'Let's not waste out time watching this show. It has no redeeming value. I'll record it.'

'They're taking this viewer content thing too far.'

'Man... I wish I could zap off THIS nasty program!'

"Back to celebrity shows, chat shows, endless TV repeats and adverts - you must think I'm mad!"

"The drama contains scenes of human decency and goodness which some viewers may find unusual."

"Forget the reality in our reality shows. We need better scripts."

'These soaps always kill off people to improve ratings!' 'Hey! Why don't they kill of the writers?'

'Well, I don't think it's the best show I've seen in weeks!'

"This should be interesting. . . they're giving an acting award for best political lie. . ."

Four thousand dollars later and there's STILL nothing to watch!

'They'll give a reality show to any obnoxious person nowadays.'

'This is a talk show, buddy -- put the gun down!'

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

'This is so unreal, it must be reality television.'