Television Critic Gifts

'And tonight our pundits will be debating the issue, 'do extra terrestrials exist?'

'Frankly I'd expected rather more from interactive television.'

'Flipping the remote and clicking the mouse are his low-impact aerobics.'

'We want to assure viewers that no brain cells can be damaged during the transmission of this programme.'

"Ever notice the medical programs never show the dashing young doctors doing paperwork?"

'So! You're still watching those talk shows after I told you to stop!'

"Ooh, this looks good."

'I'd hate to be locked up with a bunch of strangers for months on end, wouldn't you?'

What's wrong with kids nowadays?

The grass is always greener on TV.

X Factor + Y = Zzzzzzz.

"Helen!! I'm sick of watching our pathetic Olympic athletes! Would you hand me the remote control I left on the TV!"

Some of the volunteers from the 'Frontier House' were surprised at the programme's authenticity.

'If you talk all of the guns and violence off TV what have you got?' 'A lot of people bleeding for no apparent reason!'

TV screen - 'Surgeon-general's warning: the following program may cause your IQ to drop 15 points'.

Fun for the Entire Family

'Well, kids -- I guess it all started to fall apart when they canceled 'Seinfeld'....'

'Toupee-free news'

'If you have no brains at all, the following program - glamorizing senseless violence - might be suitable.'

"So, whooo lives in a house like this?- it's over to yoou David."

"This show is about as exciting as watching grass or paint dry or litter clump..."

"If you have been affected by any issues raised in this edition of gardener's world, ffsakes get a life!"

Cull TV producers who think programs are improved by putting scrolling notices at the bottom of the screen.

"Whoa! - there IS more to life than what you see on TV!"

"All this sex on television has given a headache."

'It's a repeat of last thursday's power cut.'

"How many new sitcoms will it make before they find a decent one?" "About twenty something"

'Don't you hate PBS Pledge Week?'

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

'Ironically, sportswear is the most comfortable clothing for doing nothing in.'

'...This is the Ten O'Clock Report, brought to you by the Eleven O'Clock Report....'

How to look good vapid.

'America's funniest pre-existing conditions.'

man watching reflection in unplugged TV. 'Reality TV, will we really watch anything?'

Food programmes.