Television Critic Pillows

'And tonight our pundits will be debating the issue, 'do extra terrestrials exist?'

'We want to assure viewers that no brain cells can be damaged during the transmission of this programme.'

'Frankly I'd expected rather more from interactive television.'

'Flipping the remote and clicking the mouse are his low-impact aerobics.'

"Ever notice the medical programs never show the dashing young doctors doing paperwork?"

'So! You're still watching those talk shows after I told you to stop!'

The grass is always greener on TV.

X Factor + Y = Zzzzzzz.

'I'd hate to be locked up with a bunch of strangers for months on end, wouldn't you?'

Some of the volunteers from the 'Frontier House' were surprised at the programme's authenticity.

What's wrong with kids nowadays?

"Helen!! I'm sick of watching our pathetic Olympic athletes! Would you hand me the remote control I left on the TV!"

'If you talk all of the guns and violence off TV what have you got?' 'A lot of people bleeding for no apparent reason!'

TV screen - 'Surgeon-general's warning: the following program may cause your IQ to drop 15 points'.

Fun for the Entire Family

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"How many new sitcoms will it make before they find a decent one?" "About twenty something"

"So, whooo lives in a house like this?- it's over to yoou David."

'If you have no brains at all, the following program - glamorizing senseless violence - might be suitable.'

'Toupee-free news'

'Don't you hate PBS Pledge Week?'

'It's a repeat of last thursday's power cut.'

'Ironically, sportswear is the most comfortable clothing for doing nothing in.'

'...This is the Ten O'Clock Report, brought to you by the Eleven O'Clock Report....'

How to look good vapid.

'America's funniest pre-existing conditions.'

man watching reflection in unplugged TV. 'Reality TV, will we really watch anything?'

Food programmes.

'You've been watching the Bulimia Channel. Coming up next--my lunch!'

'Sometimes I wonder if we'd enjoy Eastenders more if we got a television.'

'Fred refuses to watch anything made possible by a grant.'

Nonsense on telly

We are having technical difficulties with our technical difficulties sign.

'I think it's based on East Enders.'

'If it were me I would have used the remote and changed channels.'