Television Culture Critic Gifts

'I'm a mockney - gey me aaahht of ere!'

The height of fashion in 1796

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

Barcode on Ancient Greek Vase

American Idle.

What We Thought Were Canals Are Deep Prejudices and Inequities.

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

'You did turn the company around... but we liked it the way it was...'

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

The americanisation of vulture.

"Bleeeee! It's plastic."

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Kritik's Korner

"I find that hugely offensive!"

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"Say 'eh.'"

A cross section of the brain shows what a man thinks about.

Can't Touch This

If humans instead of dinosaurs had lived when the big asteroid hit.

Junk art/ food/ tv/ music/ amusements/ novels/ views/ life.

Armageddon

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

'What does it say, Dad?'

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

"Sir, a bunch of bald-headed, castrated humanoids wearing Nikes just materialised with their luggage back there."

"Welcome to Sugar Free Farm! The reality show, where celebs go cold turkey on their sugar addictions for two weeks."