Tv Content Critic Gifts

Mary Whitehouse - pen is mightier than the sword

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

American Idle.

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

'What does it say, Dad?'

Can't Touch This

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"I like it but does it get only the one channel?"

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

'Side effects may include....'

Can't Touch This

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

Christmas TV...

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

Sorry, I thought you said you wanted to see 'Parrot Normal Activity'

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

Overdose of election campaign ads on TV.

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

Man from 'National Viewers and Listeners Association sits at work boxes titled; 'Switch on' and 'Switch off'.

"You don't have to answer that."

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

'I'm a has-been celebrity - get me in there!'

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'