Tv Commercial Critic Gifts

"They do say results will vary."

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

'Side effects may include....'

'I'm using my eyes, how are you looking at it?'

'If the Energizer Bunny annoys you, don't watch him.'

'I'm sick of all these men's virility enhancement TV ads. . . they're embarrassing to watch!'

TV commercials

'Your arteries are 90% clogged with all the junk food advertised on T.V.'

"If this ad drives you crazy, you may be entitled to compensation."

"The only side effect from this new drug will be a mind-numbing barrage of commercials on daytime TV."

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Can't Touch This

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

Can't Touch This

Roads with a view.

". . . yes, sir, folks . . . and furthermore, folks . . . for real quality, folks . . . yes, sir, folks . . ."

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

Christmas TV...

"Ah yes, I know this bit...it's from the advert!"

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

CATCHY NAME

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'