Tv Commercial Critics Gifts

'Tired of dry dry dog food? Stir-fried doggy dips will make you sit up and woof for more!'

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Can't Touch This

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

'What does it say, Dad?'

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

'Side effects may include....'

". . . yes, sir, folks . . . and furthermore, folks . . . for real quality, folks . . . yes, sir, folks . . ."

Christmas TV...

Can't Touch This

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

Roads with a view.

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

"Ah yes, I know this bit...it's from the advert!"

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

"...but do not take Clynkovix if you are already taking any other drug with a ridiculous name."

'My husband likes to have everything handy during TV commercials.'

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

Overdose of election campaign ads on TV.

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

"You don't have to answer that."