Tv Ad Critic Gifts

Death watches late night teeth infomercial.

"This medication did take care of my rash. However, like the TV commercial claimed, it did come with a few side effects."

'For those of you who sneaked into the kitchen during the commercial - the least you could've done was bring me a sandwich.'

'Mrs Arkin, you can't shop around for a disease whose tv drug ads feature a movie star who you like!'

Overdose of election campaign ads on TV.

"Next up...is Christmas too commercialized? But first a word from 'Big AL's Xmas Emporium! 5 Santas, No Waiting!'"

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

Can't Touch This

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

The Freedom of the Press is Worth Fighting For!

The following is a paid political announcement.

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

'Side effects may include....'

Classic Autos: We have muscle cars for weaklings!

Your ad here!

Christmas TV...

Can't Touch This

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

CATCHY NAME

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

"This bedtime story is brought to you by your good friends at the toy shop."

"And what would the, Truth-in-Advertising tribunal, want to speak to old Rudy about?"

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'