Cable Television Gifts

"There's the pay TV remote... the set top box remote... the TV remote... now where did I put the worth watching remote?"

"I get 572,000 channels. I watch 4 of them."

Trial by Media

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Showbiz Awards

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Bowled over again!

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

Television Readers.

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

Horror movies

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

'If only every year was an election year.'

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"And this is our media room."

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

"Well, the remote's not dowmn the back of the couch."