Cable Tv Addict Gifts

'This is great! -- since he got cable, he hasn't had time to oppress anybody!'

Showbiz Awards

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

Stephen Fry

Big screen TV falling through floor

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

"The end of my favorite series is near."

"Please don't watch this show! There's a viewer trigger warning and a short fuse alert."

NOVA. Don't worry --- The "vacuum of space" is not that kind of vacuum.

'Hello Mr Preston? This is an ALIEN speaking. We have landed in your paddock. We have mutilated your cows. We have made loud crashing noises...what the hell is on your TV that's so special?'

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

Can't Touch This

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"It's hard being a TV viewer trapped in the body of a student."

"It's General Douglas MacArthur."

"It's a long-term strategy to make them lazy and complacent first."

The cradle of mankind

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

"Can you do battle with him later?... He's watching, 'Game of Thrones'."

Triceratops watching television with satellite dish made from own horns.

'Anything good on?' TV replies 'No.'

'Dear, you're not supposed to take it seriously...it's a reality show!'

Oh, the usual. They're watching 'American Idol' and I'm watching Americans idle.

"Is anything good on?"