Cable Tv Addict Gifts

'This is great! -- since he got cable, he hasn't had time to oppress anybody!'

Showbiz Awards

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

Big screen TV falling through floor

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

"The end of my favorite series is near."

"Please don't watch this show! There's a viewer trigger warning and a short fuse alert."

'Hello Mr Preston? This is an ALIEN speaking. We have landed in your paddock. We have mutilated your cows. We have made loud crashing noises...what the hell is on your TV that's so special?'

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

"It's hard being a TV viewer trapped in the body of a student."

"It's General Douglas MacArthur."

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

"Is anything good on?"

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

The cradle of mankind

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

Triceratops watching television with satellite dish made from own horns.

'Anything good on?' TV replies 'No.'

'Dear, you're not supposed to take it seriously...it's a reality show!'

"It's a long-term strategy to make them lazy and complacent first."