Television Addicts Gifts

Low-Def TV

'-and to all you night owls out there...'

Showbiz Awards

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

Stephen Fry

Big screen TV falling through floor

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

"The end of my favorite series is near."

'Hello Mr Preston? This is an ALIEN speaking. We have landed in your paddock. We have mutilated your cows. We have made loud crashing noises...what the hell is on your TV that's so special?'

NOVA. Don't worry --- The "vacuum of space" is not that kind of vacuum.

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

"Please don't watch this show! There's a viewer trigger warning and a short fuse alert."

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

Can't Touch This

Starvation Watching

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what is good on Netflix.

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"Can you do battle with him later?... He's watching, 'Game of Thrones'."

'Anything good on?' TV replies 'No.'

"So, how's your scary movie?"

'Dear, you're not supposed to take it seriously...it's a reality show!'

The cradle of mankind

"It's hard being a TV viewer trapped in the body of a student."

"Is anything good on?"

Oh, the usual. They're watching 'American Idol' and I'm watching Americans idle.