Telly Addict Life Gifts

'I've been thinking, Mother - if the whole civilised world was destroyed and we were the only ones left alive . . . there's no way I'd want to change a thing'

Showbiz Awards

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

Stephen Fry

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

Big screen TV falling through floor

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

"The end of my favorite series is near."

'Hello Mr Preston? This is an ALIEN speaking. We have landed in your paddock. We have mutilated your cows. We have made loud crashing noises...what the hell is on your TV that's so special?'

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

"Don't open me, you fool!"

NOVA. Don't worry --- The "vacuum of space" is not that kind of vacuum.

"Please don't watch this show! There's a viewer trigger warning and a short fuse alert."

"You'll love this model, sir! You won't have to miss any of the sports action when you go for a beer!"

Spooning

Starvation Watching

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

Can't Touch This

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what is good on Netflix.

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

The cradle of mankind

'Dear, you're not supposed to take it seriously...it's a reality show!'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

Triceratops watching television with satellite dish made from own horns.

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

"It's General Douglas MacArthur."