Telly Addicts Gifts

'Of course I watch television-doesn't everyone?'

'In a minute, I'm missing Lost.'

'Welcome to the new reality show. Who's the real-life whistle-blower?'

Showbiz Awards

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

Big screen TV falling through floor

Stephen Fry

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

"The end of my favorite series is near."

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

"You'll love this model, sir! You won't have to miss any of the sports action when you go for a beer!"

"Don't open me, you fool!"

NOVA. Don't worry --- The "vacuum of space" is not that kind of vacuum.

'Hello Mr Preston? This is an ALIEN speaking. We have landed in your paddock. We have mutilated your cows. We have made loud crashing noises...what the hell is on your TV that's so special?'

"Please don't watch this show! There's a viewer trigger warning and a short fuse alert."

Can't Touch This

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

Starvation Watching

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

Spooning

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what is good on Netflix.

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

"It's General Douglas MacArthur."

'Dear, you're not supposed to take it seriously...it's a reality show!'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"Is anything good on?"