Tv Addicts Gifts

'The ecosystem can fend for itself, but you're blocking the tv.'

"Thanks for coming Bob, the reception was terrible before..."

'The reason man hasn't been to the moon in 35 years is because there's no T.V. and recliner up there.'

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

'Because of the heinous nature of your crime, I hereby sentence you to life imprisonment without cable TV!'

Soap Opera

"You were supposed to abduct these people! Not watch their stupid TV!"

'He's got tennis viewer's elbow'

Junk food telly.

Plasma Screen

"Too late! George has spotted that the new series of X-factor has started!"

"I've looked at their viewer profiles and if we watch this channel we'll be 20 years younger."

"Chivalry actually isn't dead. It's on life support being fed by the sports channels."

Showbiz Awards

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

Big screen TV falling through floor

"The end of my favorite series is near."

"You'll love this model, sir! You won't have to miss any of the sports action when you go for a beer!"

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

"Don't open me, you fool!"

'Hello Mr Preston? This is an ALIEN speaking. We have landed in your paddock. We have mutilated your cows. We have made loud crashing noises...what the hell is on your TV that's so special?'

"Please don't watch this show! There's a viewer trigger warning and a short fuse alert."

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

Spooning

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'