Television Program Addict Gifts

"The end of my favorite series is near."

Showbiz Awards

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

Big screen TV falling through floor

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

Stephen Fry

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

NOVA. Don't worry --- The "vacuum of space" is not that kind of vacuum.

'Hello Mr Preston? This is an ALIEN speaking. We have landed in your paddock. We have mutilated your cows. We have made loud crashing noises...what the hell is on your TV that's so special?'

"Please don't watch this show! There's a viewer trigger warning and a short fuse alert."

Can't Touch This

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

Starvation Watching

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what is good on Netflix.

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

"It's hard being a TV viewer trapped in the body of a student."

Do you go for Hannity or O'Reilly? Tough call. O'Reilly's presence is so big, fearless. Whereas Hannity has a wicked fast tongue and such inner strength. As symbolized externally by his jawline. O'Reilly is so tall. Something strange is happening. Coulter's a bit masculine for my tastes. Ditto. HOJ.

'Anything good on?' TV replies 'No.'

The cradle of mankind

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

"Can you do battle with him later?... He's watching, 'Game of Thrones'."

Triceratops watching television with satellite dish made from own horns.

"It's General Douglas MacArthur."

Oh, the usual. They're watching 'American Idol' and I'm watching Americans idle.

'Dear, you're not supposed to take it seriously...it's a reality show!'