Telly Addict Humor Gifts

'The set has to go into the shop for a shop for a few days. We're going with it.'

Showbiz Awards

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'This has all the makings of a fable. But first lets take lots of tests.'

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

Stephen Fry

Big screen TV falling through floor

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

"The end of my favorite series is near."

NOVA. Don't worry --- The "vacuum of space" is not that kind of vacuum.

"Please don't watch this show! There's a viewer trigger warning and a short fuse alert."

'Hello Mr Preston? This is an ALIEN speaking. We have landed in your paddock. We have mutilated your cows. We have made loud crashing noises...what the hell is on your TV that's so special?'

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

Can't Touch This

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

'... And that's where I'm seeking planning permission to build a secret uranium enrichment plant...'

Triceratops watching television with satellite dish made from own horns.

'Anything good on?' TV replies 'No.'

"Is anything good on?"

Oh, the usual. They're watching 'American Idol' and I'm watching Americans idle.

"It's General Douglas MacArthur."

Do you go for Hannity or O'Reilly? Tough call. O'Reilly's presence is so big, fearless. Whereas Hannity has a wicked fast tongue and such inner strength. As symbolized externally by his jawline. O'Reilly is so tall. Something strange is happening. Coulter's a bit masculine for my tastes. Ditto. HOJ.

'Dear, you're not supposed to take it seriously...it's a reality show!'

The cradle of mankind

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

"Can you do battle with him later?... He's watching, 'Game of Thrones'."

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'