Telly Addict Life Pillows

'I've been thinking, Mother - if the whole civilised world was destroyed and we were the only ones left alive . . . there's no way I'd want to change a thing'

Showbiz Awards

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

Big screen TV falling through floor

"The end of my favorite series is near."

"You'll love this model, sir! You won't have to miss any of the sports action when you go for a beer!"

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

"Don't open me, you fool!"

'Hello Mr Preston? This is an ALIEN speaking. We have landed in your paddock. We have mutilated your cows. We have made loud crashing noises...what the hell is on your TV that's so special?'

"Please don't watch this show! There's a viewer trigger warning and a short fuse alert."

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

Spooning

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

Triceratops watching television with satellite dish made from own horns.

The cradle of mankind

"It's General Douglas MacArthur."

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

"It's hard being a TV viewer trapped in the body of a student."

'Dear, you're not supposed to take it seriously...it's a reality show!'