Cable Tv Technician Gifts

'Any chance you could block out the home shopping network.'

Man hitting a TV and going out of focus himself.

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

'Your plasma screen TV needs a transfusion.'

"Get a move on Hardwicke, we need it for the 6 o'clock news!"

"How embarrassing, I'm literally glued to the television."

"Hey, you've fixed the telly too!"

'There's nothing wrong with the sound, lady, it's a Party Political broadcast, that's all.'

"Cable, my foot! Still snow on the TV!"

Audiovisual law

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'

TV Repair 101.

"Sky, sir?"

'We are experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by...'

F&E Cable Co. Sports. Movies. Special. 500 Channels. When you list the options in the cable package, call it "BBC America," not "The English Channel."

'I hear they're going to cable.'

The scourge of the 'burbs, cable pirates board another innocent hom in their unceasing search for that one extra channel, the occasional first-run movie, or the highly-prized pay-per-view sports events..

"Cable company. . . ? I want to know why my television picture is totally upside down all the time!!"

"Okay, I want rubbish, you want garbage, so let's settle for trash."

Customer to TV repair man - "Thank god you got here. I was beginning to wander around."

The plumber asks out the cable lady.

'You say your picture's funny?...I'm surprised you got a picture at all. That's a microwave oven!'

'Hey! You forgot the TV!'

"It's more of a conversation piece, really."

'I agree-Gary Lineker can get up your nose sometimes,but...'

'There's a lot we don't know about horizontal TV syndrome.'

'And here's the little feller that'll have been the cause of all your problems. . .'

Digital Tuna.

"He's here to help install our new converter box."

'Unfortunately, I ran out of the satellite dish system but this has the same warranty.'

"It's a very common problem, sir, and here's a simple diagnostic test you can try: If you click the remote and it goes away, it's a TV show. If it DOESN'T go away, it's reality. Hey, you're welcome! Glad I could help you!"

'The shows will look the same, but the commercials appear in 3-D high definition.'

Space alien enters TV store to have his antennas adjusted.

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'

'Who are you calling 'oldtimer', sonny?!'