Cable Tv Employee Gifts

"Sure all the stations we make you buy are expensive, but the commercials are free!"

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

Local News in Heaven

Moulin Rouge Security

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

'Your plasma screen TV needs a transfusion.'

1876 - Alexander Graham Bell made the world's first telephone call.

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Bill O'Reilly'

"Wait a minute... You're not Warren Gurkenman the famous actor, but his stuntman?!"

"Cable, my foot! Still snow on the TV!"

'Honey, it's me! If you want to marry me, please press 1!'

The morning show for people who HATE mornings

"Ahem."

'Sorry, it's packed with t.v crews doing links.' ( LONDON EYE )

'We are experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by...'

Used to work in the subtitles business but got laid off...

"Cable company. . . ? I want to know why my television picture is totally upside down all the time!!"

"Okay, I want rubbish, you want garbage, so let's settle for trash."

The scourge of the 'burbs, cable pirates board another innocent hom in their unceasing search for that one extra channel, the occasional first-run movie, or the highly-prized pay-per-view sports events..

F&E Cable Co. Sports. Movies. Special. 500 Channels. When you list the options in the cable package, call it "BBC America," not "The English Channel."

"Enjoy the movie, and try not to cry too loud at the end when the dog comes home."

The plumber asks out the cable lady.

'Busy day?'

Customer to TV repair man - "Thank god you got here. I was beginning to wander around."

'It's for you!'

'The shows will look the same, but the commercials appear in 3-D high definition.'

'Unfortunately, I ran out of the satellite dish system but this has the same warranty.'

Digital Tuna.

Space alien enters TV store to have his antennas adjusted.

"It's a very common problem, sir, and here's a simple diagnostic test you can try: If you click the remote and it goes away, it's a TV show. If it DOESN'T go away, it's reality. Hey, you're welcome! Glad I could help you!"

Broom Operators Deserve Better

'You called about digital cable?'

'Sacked? Just like that - with no explanation?'

'I can fix the fuzziness and the vertical hold, but I can't do anything about Chris Matthews.'

This HDTV is fantastic - I swear I really can smell that skunk!