Cable Tv Watcher Gifts

Ostrich TV.

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

Tree house.

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

Fishermen

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

"Maybe you set it up wrong."

'Och lye the news'

'Just look at him. The face that lunched on a thousand chips.'

"I know he's funny, boy, but he’s also the president of the United States."

'Fixed the leg on the telly yet?'

'The program is stupid, primitive, embarrassing, and boring. I want to buy a new telly.'

'It's 10:00. Do you know where your kids are?'

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

"He's an indoor cat."

'All this viewing is an endurance event in itself...'

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

Classic News.

"Have I ever told you how sexy you look when you sit through overtime?"

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

'Now ask yourself Gerald, do we really need ALL these channels?'

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'

Couch and Potato

"Would you mind adjusting the vibrate on your phone? There's a seismologist on TV claiming there's been an earthquake in our neighborhood."

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

'...And as suburban sprawl continues to grow, many people are finding themselves living uncomfortably close to their wildlife neighbors.'