Cable Television Pillows

"There's the pay TV remote... the set top box remote... the TV remote... now where did I put the worth watching remote?"

"I get 572,000 channels. I watch 4 of them."

Trial by Media

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Showbiz Awards

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Television Readers.

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

Horror movies

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'If only every year was an election year.'

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"And this is our media room."

"Well, the remote's not dowmn the back of the couch."

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"I need a little more drama like a ten part mini-series."

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'