Cable Tv Junkie Pillows

"My new cable tv package has 800 channels. . . all of them featuring people screaming about politics."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

'Redneck Goldfish' Earl knew better than to watch Oprah while drinking.

'Breaking Bad' Box Set Addiction.

'I just love this new reality show, TRADING BANK ACCOUNTS!'

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

"Consider this job a reality show where you work your butt off 14 hours a day. If you win, you'll get a paycheck and the chance to do it all over again next week."

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

Mog The Week

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

nstead of looking at fish bowl, a kid watches the fish on TV as they are being video taped.

'Maybe getting gordon ramsay to do the after dinner speech wasn't such a good idea after all!'

"There's more to life than beer and football...I just can remember what it is."

"We interrupt this advertisement to bring you another advertisement that has just been rushed to the studio."

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"Well, you gonna spin?" "Ah, maybe after another Breaking Bad."

'Anything good on?' TV replies 'No.'

Frank and Ernie's Poetry Corner. Robert Frost. TV Guide. I think I'll watch some late-night comedy

"Can't stop watching. That ribbon is amaaazing..."

Oh, the usual. They're watching 'American Idol' and I'm watching Americans idle.

"It's a long-term strategy to make them lazy and complacent first."

"Say hi to your mother for me and tell her I'm happy her bypass turned out O.K

'Oh No! Reality theatre.'

America's funniest investment scams

'He's in training for the Olympics'

How to get on talk shows by promoting your new book

How's my Jiving?

Wall mountable TVs.

"'60 Minutes' is on."

Love Bites: The Dating Game - "No, he loves me more!"