Botanical Banter Gifts

"Aren't those dead flowers fake?"

"Ed's tree hugging was out of control."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

Little Farm Shop of Horrors with G.M produce turned into man eating plant

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

"Where are the perineums?" "Aisle 3. Between the vaginas and the rectums."

'Here comes Ted.'

"Yes, sir, it's Houstonia Michauxii and it prefers shade or semi-shade."

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

'Of course, they're healthy - they listen to me far better than my patients do.'

F&E Landscape Architects. Ground cover plants are the Peter Pan of landscape design. The never "grow up"!

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

Even garden plants like to visit.

"Psst...The grass is a plant!"

"You know you've been acting really stuck-up ever. Since you got that stand."

Gardener's Calendar: March - Give support to anything disturbed by the wind.

"Touché, Roy. A snappy riposte will be winging its way to you as soon as possible."

That's right: Not only are we 'Man's best friend', but a lot of people are allergic to cats...

"Don't worry, the pain will stop once everything goes numb."

No, I'm not getting you a beer while I'm up.

"Ain't no drab plumage at closing time."

Venus fly trap.

"What seems to be the problem?"

A real turkey lunch.

"Welcome to the comedy club, sir! Heckling or non-heckling?"

MD trash talk... "Your mama is so dumb, she doesn't know endopeptidase from endopericarditis."

"It's a crank call - just heavy transpiration."

'Honey have you seen my Viagra'

I just edited your Wikipedia entry. Tap tap tap tap tap. Big whoop. What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop

'I think you've talked it to death, dear.'

After you finish picking the poppies for opium, don't forget to save some seeds for my lemon muffins.

Bro Miliads