Botanical Banter T-Shirts

"Aren't those dead flowers fake?"

"Ed's tree hugging was out of control."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

Little Farm Shop of Horrors with G.M produce turned into man eating plant

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

"Where are the perineums?" "Aisle 3. Between the vaginas and the rectums."

'Here comes Ted.'

"Yes, sir, it's Houstonia Michauxii and it prefers shade or semi-shade."

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

'Of course, they're healthy - they listen to me far better than my patients do.'

Even garden plants like to visit.

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

"Psst...The grass is a plant!"

"Don't worry, the pain will stop once everything goes numb."

"Touché, Roy. A snappy riposte will be winging its way to you as soon as possible."

That's right: Not only are we 'Man's best friend', but a lot of people are allergic to cats...

Gardener's Calendar: March - Give support to anything disturbed by the wind.

"You know you've been acting really stuck-up ever. Since you got that stand."

"Ain't no drab plumage at closing time."

Venus fly trap.

A real turkey lunch.

"Welcome to the comedy club, sir! Heckling or non-heckling?"

MD trash talk... "Your mama is so dumb, she doesn't know endopeptidase from endopericarditis."

"It's a crank call - just heavy transpiration."

"What seems to be the problem?"

'I think you've talked it to death, dear.'

"The hair growth formula didn't help Bob...so we're trying it in the garden!"

Belching plant